Shirley Ball has revealed that she thinks she “would be better off dead” and turned to alcohol to cope with depression during menopause.
The Strictly Come Dancing judge, 64, explained that at the time she felt anxious, depressed, and abandoned.
The dancing star confessed in her upcoming book, “The Best Foot Forward,” that she feels like she “loses the plot” during her “darkest hours.”
She filled in: “During my darkest hours, I went to some terrible places in my head and while I hate to use the word suicide, these thoughts did cross my mind.
“I could never have gone through it because I wouldn’t want my mother to suffer the agony of losing a second child to suicide, but there were definitely times when I thought I would be better off dead because the way I was living felt so horrible.”
Shirley’s brother David died by suicide at the age of 44 in 2003, and the star spoke openly about her “enormous grief” following the tragedy.
Shirley Ball has revealed she thinks she ‘would be better off dead’ and turned to alcohol to cope with depression during the menopause (pictured in November 2023)
The Strictly Come Dancing judge, 64, whose brother David died by suicide in 2003 at the age of 44, explained that at the time she felt anxious, depressed and abandoned.
The TV personality also revealed that she used to turn to booze to try to numb the pain.
She filled in, as reported by The Mirror, : “I tried to manage myself with antidepressants, sleeping pills, more medication to wake myself up, and, I have to say, alcohol.”
Since her brother’s death, Shirley has become a keen campaigner for mental health awareness, even setting up the charity Ballas Foundation with her son Mark, 38.
Her son, who was a professional ballroom dancer on Dancing with the Stars in the US, previously opened up about the incident on his website.
In a blog post on his blog, which was discovered by The Mirror in 2017, he wrote: ‘For me, it’s about raising awareness of depression. It’s not like mood swings.’
People struggle with this every day. Nothing matters. My uncle’s daughter was everything to him, but it didn’t matter because he was sick.”
“You have to make people aware of it so they can recognize it and help people get better.”
The post continues: “The family was left not only with immense grief, but also guilt. You keep thinking, maybe you could have done something.”
Since David’s death, Shirley has become a keen campaigner for mental health awareness, even setting up the charity Ballas Foundation with her son Mark, 38 (pictured with his mum)
David and Mark were especially close since he helped look after her while Shirley pursued dancing opportunities in the US.
Shirley and her son decided to go public with their story in 2010 to raise awareness about suicide prevention.
And in 2024, Shirley revealed that she “blamed” her brother being alone when he died because she encouraged her mother to come to the show her son was on.
Speaking on the Great Company with Jamie Laing podcast, Shirley shared how her brother has struggled with his mental health, and the family had previously tried to get him to undergo a separation, but he wouldn’t go to the hospital.
She said: “I was wrapped up in my life because at the time I had two other children that I was looking after, as well as my own son, and they were all dancers, and I was just wrapped up in my world of ballroom dancing.
‘I was in London. He was up north and my mother went to stay with him for six weeks. But my mother’s old school and they don’t share.
“So, what I should have done, if I look back now, is get in the car right away and go see the situation for myself. He was just in a bad place.”
“He explained that he was in a dark, black hole that he couldn’t get out of. He had lost a lot of weight and the doctors couldn’t help him.”
“We tried to catch up with him, and when obviously I wasn’t there, but my mom was. When they picked him up in the car and they were pulling him over to the hospital, he recognized someone standing on the steps, and he was too, like, he was a macho man on the block, and he was too embarrassed, he told them to turn the car around.
“So if she hadn’t been there that day, maybe things could have been different. And it’s just that nobody talked about those kinds of things. Nobody talked about those kinds of things at all, and they just showed up with pills, you know, like these antidepressants.”
If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org
