10 Best Quotes from ‘The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie,’ Ranked

If there’s anyone out there who thinks that The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie from 2004 isn’t the best rendition of our beloved undersea sponge on the big screen, they are wildly wrong. Including spin-off movies, there are five (with one more on the way) in total—but the only true SpongeBob SquarePants movie is the first. It’s the only one that was produced during the series’ Golden Era, which hardcore fans would argue makes it the only legitimate one. The jokes are just so much stronger, the timing is there, the attention to the craft and animation are present in every single shot.

As in the beloved children’s show, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie ‘s dialogue plays a key part in its appeal. To put it simply: all the characters’ lines make sure that everyone stays true to themselves, they say funny things, the lines are delivered skillfully by the cast, and the movie is animated in a way that makes the visuals work together with the words to create the most amount of laughter and immersion in the scenes. The film still has a mesmerizing, stress-reducing, cackle-inducing effect on fans over two decades after its initial release, and these ten quotes epitomize that sensation. They’re character-driven, they’re in sync with the direction, and they make us laugh in many different ways. In short, they’re what SpongeBob is all about.

10

“Waiterrrrr!”

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny)

SpongeBob ( Tom Kenny ) just had a terrible day, and he needs to cheer up. Patrick ( Bill Fagerbakke ) suggests they have some sundaes, and SpongeBob accepts. This ice cream bar may not be serving alcohol, but it becomes clear to the adults in the audience that these sundaes are essentially just acting as mugs of beer. With every sundae this pair devours, their poor waiter is pelted with ice cream as our heroes become increasingly intoxicated. A montage ensues, in which SpongeBob calls “Waiter!”

SpongeBob’s tone changes over the course of the evening, going from cheerful to barely conscious to angry, and it’s just delightful. Then there’s the visual aspect of it; every time we cut to the waiter, he’s covered in more ice cream with a look of annoyance and displeasure worthy of Squidward ( Rodger Bumpass ). There’s also the expressions on our heroes’ faces, which run the gamut from fully alert and crazed for sundaes to unfocused yet content to unruly and upset. Overall, it’s a feast for both the eyes and ears.

9

“Okay, now you’re starting to bum me out, Patrick.”

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny)

Things aren’t going well for SpongeBob and Patrick. They’ve been caught by the cyclops has caught them and placed them on a board under the fierce heat of a lamp. They can’t move, they’re rapidly dehydrating, and it looks like no one is coming to save them. After SpongeBob finishes a depressing monologue about how they were just two kids in way over their heads (how old are they, anyway?), Patrick weakly says “Shell City.” SpongeBob replies, “Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.” Patrick says it again, and his buddy goes along with it, “Exactly buddy, yeah. The place we never got to.”

Patrick says “Shell City” yet again, at which point SpongeBob says “Okay, now you’re starting to bum me out, Patrick.” In peak SpongeBob fashion, the show manages to include a hilarious moment in a mostly dramatic scene. SpongeBob is usually very patient with Patrick; even as they’re dying and feeling like failures, SpongeBob still tries to go along with Patrick’s repetition. Of course, even the optimistic sponge has a limit, and it’s priceless to watch him reach that point.

8

“I’m a Goofy Goober, yeah…!”

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny) and Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke)

There is so much humor in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie that it helps the more dramatic moments pop. The best of them all would be right after the quote above: SpongeBob and Patrick didn’t realize they had made it to Shell City until they’re being dried to death under the intense heat from a lamp. The cyclops has apparently won, but our heroes at least don’t feel like total failures. They were able to reach Shell City and find the crown, which means they did “all right for a couple of goofballs.” As SpongeBob and Patrick shrivel up, they sing the Goofy Goober song as their last words.

This is a sad moment, but it’s also a victorious one. They sing loud and proud, and it would have been one heck of a way to go if they actually did die for good. Of course the adults all know the two main characters of this children’s movie aren’t going to die, but the scene is still so movingly rendered that it can make us cry anyway. The camera doesn’t hold back either, showing them turn into a dried-up starfish and sponge as their voices trail away.

7

“Woah…”

Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke)

When you’re in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by skulls, maybe don’t pay a visit to the ice cream stand. SpongeBob and Patrick do not have the wherewithal to notice the red flag here. While Patrick waits in the car, SpongeBob heads over to the stand and orders. After handing him what looks like a sundae, the woman turns into a giant fish. It’s clear these two patrons are far from the only idiots to fall for the ice cream ruse. Patrick is watching all of this in the Patty Wagon’s rearview mirror.

His response to this terrifying turn of events? He squints in the mirror, as if watching a movie, and says “Woah…” His tone makes it sound like the giant hungry fish about to eat his friend (who’s screaming for help) is more interesting and mildly surprising than an immediate existential threat. This is all happening right behind him, but it’s a brilliant move to show how Patrick just doesn’t register the level of danger he’s in right now.

6

“Patrick, that’s a terrible idea.”

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny)

Great news: SpongeBob and Patrick found their car. Bad news: the key’s not inside, and they’ll have to find it. Frightening news: it’s in the Thug Tug, a bar so dangerous that a guy gets knocked out of a window and lands right next to them. As they peer inside, they hear some tough-boy blues and behold a scene in which large men are drinking and fighting. So when SpongeBob asks how they’re going to get the key back from the guy who stole it, he’s unimpressed by Patrick’s suggestion that they “walk in and ask him for it.”

Right on cue, we hear a patron bark “What’re you lookin’ at?” and proceed to kick someone’s ass. SpongeBob looks at his friend and bluntly replies, “Patrick, that’s a terrible idea.” This is just classic; it takes a lot for SpongeBob to be so frank, which makes it all the better when he is. The sponge even raises an eyebrow as he says it, and Patrick quickly apologizes. Along with that guy getting beaten up as this exchange continues, this illustrates how SpongeBob can still be funny when he’s salty.

5

“I have to use the bathroom.”

Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke)

Pat’s idea to walk in and ask the guy for the key was bad enough, but he proposes another blunder that SpongeBob allows. Settled on the plan to create a distraction while someone grabs the key from the thief’s pocket, Patrick says he wants to perform the distraction. You might think that someone so excited to execute this would know what they want to do and confidently think it’ll work. Unfortunately, when Patrick walks inside and asks for everybody’s attention, he freezes up when everyone suddenly stares at him. In the middle of all these terrifying fish, he waits a beat and says, “I have to use the bathroom.”

Terrible job, Patrick. This “distraction” lasted about ten seconds, and SpongeBob had to pretend he was looking for his contacts on the floor. The guy easily could have recognized them, which makes Patrick’s poor execution even more mind-boggling. The contrast between how he confidently strode into the bar and winds up standing there and blankly staring into the mass of patrons makes it even funnier. As always, he certainly grabbed the viewer’s attention with this move.

4

“All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.”

Every tough guy in the bar

One more quote from the Thug Tug sequence, and this one is used twice. When SpongeBob and Patrick make a bunch of bubbles from the pump soap in the bar’s bathroom, one of them floats out the door and into the main room. This gets the owner’s (Thomas F. Wilson) attention, and not in a good way. He yells at everyone, saying they all know the rules. He’s right about that; they all have it so committed to memory that they recite it in bored, monotone unison: “All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.”

Hardcore, man. The way they describe such a gruesome punishment in such mundane fashion is hilarious, and it’s great how that last person finishes speaking just late enough to say “bar” all by himself. Then there’s the time when Dennis (Alec Baldwin) blows a bubble and gets scolded by the owner outside the bar. When he snaps his fingers, everyone recites the rule again. Only this time, Dennis uppercuts the owner so hard that he’s launched into the air as they say the rule with more and more fear in their voices. It feels fresh in both contexts.

3

“Bald! Bald!”

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny)

King Neptune (Jeffrey Tambor) wants his crown back, and he wants it now. It’s a symbol of his authority, and the paper bag he’s sporting now just doesn’t cut it. Also, as he confides to SpongeBob, his hair is thinning. SpongeBob’s reply is fantastic: “Oh your Highness, I’m sure it’s not that noticeab—ald! Bald! Bald! Bald!” The timing here is key, since he begins this sentence with his eyes closed and waving away the king’s concern.

As this happens, Neptune removes the bag from his head. By the time SpongeBob beholds the king’s shiny dome, he’s about to finish the word “noticeable”—but he doesn’t quite get there. Due to the sponge’s shock, the “b” in that word converts to “Bald,” which everyone else in the Krusty Krab repeats. The fact that even this friendly fry cook is so hypnotized by the king’s head that all he can do is repeat the word “bald” emphasizes just how extreme the king’s hair situation is. With everyone else joining in (including that one fish who shrieks “My eyes!”), it’s just as much of a riot when Mindy (Scarlett Johansson) exposes it again.

2

“Five…!”

Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke)

When Patrick faces off against King Neptune, he gets bold. In the episode “Neptune’s Spatula,” he keeps interrupting the king (then voiced by John O’Hurley) to tell him that his best friend is going to smoke Neptune at however many challenges are thrown his way. Likewise, when Neptune gives SpongeBob 10 days to retrieve his crown in the movie, Patrick tries to show off by saying that SpongeBob can do it in nine. The starfish and the king start going back and forth, and the number of days rapidly dwindles. This horrifies SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown), who desperately tackle Patrick by the time Neptune offers them six days.

The funniest part of this whole sequence has got to be when Krabs is strangling Patrick with all his might. Despite the rather clear message coming his way, Patrick doesn’t shut up—managing to squeeze the word “Five” while getting suffocated. Luckily, the king doesn’t hear this, but it truly is one of those perfect encapsulations of Patrick having both a heartwarming amount of faith in SpongeBob and an astounding lack of common sense. It’s easily one of Patrick’s greatest quotes in the franchise.

1

“His chops are too righteous!”

Sheldon J. Plankton (Mr. Lawrence)

Plankton’s best episodes show just how funny he can be, and the first SpongeBob movie is another excellent example. While Plankton ( Mr. Lawrence ) is consistently making us laugh throughout the film, his greatest moment arrives in the climax. When SpongeBob is performing “Goofy Goober Rock,” he plays a solo that’s so powerful that it destroys Plankton’s bucket helmets with a laser beam. Panicked, Plankton exclaims a line that no one expects from a diabolical genius: “His chops are too righteous! The helmets can’t handle this level of rock and roll!”

Nothing he says here belongs to his typically evil and sophisticated vocabulary, so it really catches the audience by surprise. It’s also terrific because hearing these compliments spoken in such an alarmed tone of voice gives it a tremendously hysterical nuance. The only proper response to one of the greatest guitar solos in any movie has got to be an equally epic quote. Plankton provides exactly that here, and it’s still the most memorable and unexpected line in the movie. Encore!

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