The popular perception of sex machines (thanks largely to porn) is usually of a dildo on the end of a long rod attached to a motor. That visual might be intimidating, but Lovense has made it just as nice with the Lovense Mini Sex Machine (8/10, recommends wired). A smaller, more compact version of its flagship product, the Mini packs a powerful motor into a small package with easily adjustable legs that let you position the device at the best angle.
Most sex machines, including Lovense’s larger flagship sex machine, are big and heavy, and can be cumbersome, but the mini cuts through almost every pain point, including the price. At $399, it’s the least expensive machine you’ll find on the market without sacrificing much power. In my testing, it could reach up to 280 strokes per minute, though its light weight meant it slipped a little more often on smooth surfaces. That tradeoff is worth it for the portability, though. The thrusting motor was surprisingly quiet, too. Someone might still be able to hear you from the other side of a closed door, but I doubt anyone in the neighbor’s apartment would hear you. Unless you’re trying to be heard, anyway.
The entire machine comes in a box about the size of a toolbox with a convenient handle. I highly recommend sticking with this box for storing or transporting the machine, but even if you choose not to, the machine’s parts are small enough to fit in an IKEA-sized cube cubby, and at 7 pounds, it’s light enough to carry anywhere you want.
The Lovense Remote app also adds a bunch of features that are perfect for long-distance couples. You can control the speed and pattern of thrusting from anywhere in the world, and built-in text and voice/video calling features let you do it all from one app. You can even create and share a Zoom-style link to let someone take control of your device and set the link to expire after a set duration or a certain number of uses.
