Careless men might actually believe their partner when they say “nothing is wrong” or “I’m fine.”
But sorry to break it to you, chaps – these phrases usually mean something completely different.
Women are more likely to use these coded sayings — also known as “connections” — as a way to avoid confrontation and arguments, experts say.
Now researchers have come up with a translator to help unsuspecting boyfriends and husbands navigate the terminology.
“Community is the secret language of long-term love,” says Aly Bullock, relationship manager at couples app Couples Local.
‘This is how couples keep the peace by not saying what they really think.’
“It’s used every day to avoid conflict, soften criticism, share responsibilities, and stay connected. Our interpreter helps decipher it—and help couples laugh at themselves.”
So, do you recognize any of these commonly used phrases?
The pair surveyed over 1,000 participants and found that the three most common “connections” included “I’m fine,” “we’ll see,” and “nothing’s wrong.”
Their survey found that women were more likely to use these phrases than men.
“Over the centuries, women have been socialized to be more passive — encouraged to only allow gentle, supportive things to leave their mouths,” said Ms. Bullock, a licensed therapist.
“In an age when opinions matter but speaking up can still feel uncomfortable, many women have perfected subtle forms of coupling—a kind of artistic, sometimes passive-aggressive shorthand.”
Other commonly used sayings include “do whatever you want,” “can we talk later,” and “I don’t care where we eat.”
“You didn’t have to do the dishes either,” as well as “I just thought it was funny, how.”
Men used only two phrases – “it’s not a big deal” and “if you like it, I love it”.
Until the translator discovered that in almost every case the intended meaning was the exact opposite of what was said.
Women are more likely to use these coded sayings – also known as “connections” – as a way to avoid confrontation and arguments, experts say (stock image)
The survey found that nine out of 10 people admitted to saying one thing to their partner but meaning another, while almost a third said they do it every day.
More than half said they use this coded language to avoid conflict.
The pair have now released their connection translator, allowing couples to find out what their significant other really means.
“Do you ever want your partner to come with subtitles?” said CEO Kevin Shanahan. “Now they do.”
What causes relationships to fail?
Relationships can have many ups and downs, but “marriages often die by ICE more than by fire,” says leading relationship expert Dr. Michael McNulty.
Couples drift apart, and this often leads to a breakup.
The first steps that lead to a pair drifting apart can be broken down as follows:
Stage One: More negativity than positivity enters the relationship.
Stage Two: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Contempt, Criticism, Defense, and the Stone Knot all contribute to toxic relationships.
Stage Three: Flooding – the stage where anger begins to emerge in the relationship and partners become very emotional.
Stage Four: Emotional Disconnection – After a huge amount of emotional turmoil, the relationship becomes stale, with both parties already testing each other.
Relationships of any length can become harmful and prone to failure if both people involved are not consistently working to maintain parity and a healthy relationship (stock image)
